Stress? Me stressed?
My tenure file was due on Friday. This event can cause stress for even the most sanguine academics. My effort was made more complicated by a number of factors.
To wit:
+This was my first file of this type. Normally people submit what's called a "retention file" first. I didn't have to because I just got my job permanently summer before last and because you don't have to submit a file your first year.
+My file qualifies as weird. Most faculty teach. I do too, but my day-to-day effort focuses more on administration.
+If I don't get tenure, I lose my job.
No pressure. None at all.
The mofo required a 5 inch notebook. Priced one of those lately? They're not cheap. $30 not cheap.
Also, Avery needs to try a lot harder. Don't sell 12-tab dividers when the template doesn't work with Word for Mac. I managed to find some 5-tab dividers in the office. Someone had left a sheet in the box that had all the labels pulled off. I formatted carefully, printed and discovered that I had printed on a used, no-label sheet. Um-Hmm. Would you put a used-up sheet back into the label box? Neither would I. Did we have any more 5-tab labels? Nope. Did I need to reformat for 8-tab labels? Yep. Total time making, printing and applying the labels? Well over two hours.
If Avery lodged itself firmly on my office product shit list, Swingline became my office product hero. How? Well, they make this wondrous thing:
Behold the bit of magnificence, friends and neighbors, that is Swingline's electric three hole punch. A friend secreted it away from a neighboring department. After using it to punch for a while (and having several co-workers come by to try it), I asked our office folks to order us one. I heart Swingline. Honey asked, when I was raving about it, "who punches holes any more?" I do and think my office deserves the brilliance and efficiency of the Swingline 525.
Here's the completed product:
Thick, huh?
Look at those labels. They look nice, despite Avery's stupidity, inanity.
My normal bag didn't seem even close to capable of holding the five inches of hole-punched me for delivery to the dean's office. Fortunately, I had gotten a bag for travel that was up to the task.
My green bean machine was ready to carry me for the delivery.
I won't know anything until the end of the semester.
The thing is called a PIF. That's sort of how I feel now that it lives in the dean's office. Like all the air's been released.
piffffffff
The crying, thankfully, has subsided somewhat.
12 comments:
Good luck...that looks wild. You really needed a Coke Blak to help you deal with it I know.
I've got to investigate one of those fancy hole punch things. We punch a lot of holes at school...I get tired of the kids breaking my punch with too many sheets.
Woohoo, it's done! "Not crying" isn't good enough. I wanna see the nekkid happy dance!
Oh, and my office has the same model of hole puncher. I use the fuck out of it!
Well congratulations!!! Now, I know you won't know until the end of the semester, but having gone through this process myself (and trust me, filing every year for five years don't make it any easier), just getting through it is deserving of congratulations. I think you deserve (at least) a spa day.
Know what I think you deserve for it? Tenure. And you'll get it, but that doesn't make the waiting any easier.
I've paid witness to your tenure-driven tears, and I'm glad they've subsided somewhat in the aftermath—and that you didn't get any on the actual tenure file. That might have had a Hillary effect, like maybe the tenure committee would have focused entirely on whether your emotional expression was calculated to get their votes, or whether it would have been acceptable if a man going up for tenure had cried, or whether your emotional vulnerability disqualified you for tenure. Given all that, it's a good thing there hasn't been much media coverage of your tenure push.
What the hell all's in there?! Jeezus!
Chapin: I was just looking on ebay for Coke Blak. 4 packs are going for $10+shipping. I think I will have to live without. I did find some recipes to approximate it. I may try. :)
Wendy: No naked happy. Maybe when it's really over. :)
Treecup: Oh, yes, spa. That would be nice.
Teresa: I can't imagine the media coverage of this. I wouldn't come out looking good and I don't think the labal crisis had enough dramatic tension.
Shan: What's in there? Sigh. My meager publications, letters acknowledging this and such that I've done, curriculum I rewrote, applied reports... As my mother would say, "slop, crap, and junk." One reason it's so thick is that the first one is supposed to establish "a record."
:)
buck up there.
anyone who can create such a paper trail should not cry.
there's no crying in tenure....
I want one of those electric hole punchy thingys. I don't have many papers to punch, but who cares. That's one sweeeet lookin machine.
We have a team of specialists that put bidders like that together. I can't imagine doing that by yourself. It looks terrific!! All my best thoughts are with you.
Lose your job if you don't get tenure? Sheesh, no pressure at all. That looks like one huge job putting all that together. Will keep good thoughts for you. Besides, with all that paper and work that went into it, you're bound to wow their socks off.
Did I not mention that half of the paper was blank?! ;)
Thanks for all the nice thoughts!
[...] I got tenure. [...]
Post a Comment