When I first started my current job, I took on a fight. I meant to take it on, but I didn't have any idea how outmatched I was. I got beaten up, knocked around, threatened, and told I was ruining civilization itself. In sum, I lost. Badly.
Recently, I encountered a problem to which I offered a simple solution. Here's the rub; the problem occurred in the same arena as my lost fight. I knew I was stepping close to the edges of that fight, but I had allies now, knew where the punches were likely to come from, and really wasn't starting up the fight again.
Last night, I found out that the old opponents, unbeknown to me, had stepped into the ring and started punching me. To say I was angry was an understatement.
Sigh. I miss Madeline Kahn.
Anyway, I was furious. Flames on the side of my face furious.
There is nothing, and I do mean nothing, I hate more than having my integrity questioned. Nothing.
It was being questioned. Beaten up, really.
I thought about what to do. I backed up and looked at what I wanted to have happen. The problem is not solved yet, but I pushed it out of the boxing ring and sent it down another road. I have back-up. I have firepower. I haven't yet used my fists or my guns, but they're loaded and ready. (Am I taking this metaphor too far? It's all rather martial, admittedly.)
Four years and a lost fight can make a difference in perspective, but I also think I've gotten pretty good at what I do. Late this afternoon, in another context entirely, a guy I'd been having a little trouble with of late, came up to me and said something really nice just because it occurred to him. I know external validation is fleeting. In that moment though, with this other issue on the road I prepared, I felt good.
Sometimes, if you're lucky, you figure out what you're good at and somebody lets you do it. Still and all, if someone can tell me how to protect my integrity from attacks, I'd be grateful. Bubble wrap? Plastic couch covers? Maybe it needs boxing gloves?
It's real--my integrity--even if not everyone can see it. That is also true of my invisible friend.
5 comments:
I saw the white-hot flames shooting right off your face, and that was just from the e-mail end of it. Woe unto the unworthy opponent who steps into the ring with my girl!
You cannot control the actions of others. Even boxing gloves, while sexy, would be rather ineffective.
I am quite certain that the attacks you are experiencing have little to do with you specifically. People attack and react for many reasons - and those are usually based within themselves.
Your integrity is yours.
What others may say about it does not change it.
I should point out tho, that your sanity may come into question if you do decide to don the bubble wrap - for which we will want pictures.
weese nailed it.
Love you, sporkster.
you may want to avoid nails if you are planning to use the bubble wrap. (hmm or maybe not)
What I used to tell daughter, make sure you punch harder than they punch you. Of course, her mother had a fit that I would say such a thing. Kick their butts!
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