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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Why I am not a good academic

See, here's the thing...

I understand post-structuralism and can quote Foulcault if you need me to.

But I'd rather talk and think about Lost and theories surrounding it.

Because academics is pretty tedious actually. Though I do like my field. I did get asked to help on an academic telecourse/tv show today, which should be really cool.

I still wonder what I wonder when I went off to college, though. How will people know I'm supposed to be sorta smart?

When I was in elementary and middle school I was in something called "enrichment" because my IQ was high. My high school leveled people by "smart" and I was in all the honors classes. I could get into how racist that system was. Suffice it to say that the school system I attended waited until the last possible day they could (by court order) to integrate. And since integration the school system's African-American population had remained stable while the white population plummeted. I was in level 1. Guess how many white people were in level 1 in my graduating class? Guess how many African-American students were in level 4? Answer to both questions: all.

When I went off to college--my "safety" school, natch, I worried that my professors wouldn't know I was smart. I didn't worry a lot, maybe because it was my safety school, but I did worry. My D in German my first semester didn't help me feel any better, either.

Still, I loved college and did well. Though some of the "well" was finesse. My debate in Victorian England, for example. I had blown the class off a lot. An acquaintance of mine (Roz), who was very shy, was in the class and had done a ton of research for the debate. She handed me her note cards and I blew the other team away. And the other team was led by the captain of the debate team (Matt). And I had the tougher argument. I was to argue, using only Victorian sources, for women's suffrage. Roz had found lots of good stuff from John Stuart Mill and I railed at Matt like I was Emmeline Pankhurst herself. The professor, who I liked despite my avoidance of the class, was really impressed with me. I gave full credit to Roz and got an undeserved A- in the class.

I did that kind of thing all the time. Once I discussed Eugene Genovese's Roll Jordan Roll with authority even though it was on the table in front of me still in shrink wrap.

I got more serious in graduate school, though my dissertation lacks, um, well let's just say it lacks.

And I won't even go into the fact that the department I taught in for six years is not in my field. And that aforementioned telecourse is in that field, not mine.
My friend and colleague who asked me to do it admitted that we may be the blind leading the blind. I don't mind bumping into walls really.

Here's the good news: if I can move my interim to permanent in my current job...
none of this matters

Because NO ONE on my campus knows more than me about the minutiae I know to do my job and follow all the rules. And I know that I know more than they do about the minutiae. So there.

Plus, here's the other good news:

Lost is on tonight

Oh, and also, I love commencement. Commencement is next week. I get to wear my regalia and my puffy hat. Last year the platform party agreed that I had the best hat.



Sometimes having a good hat can be almost enough.

3 comments:

bryduck said...

Don't get me started on my issues with Roll, Jordan, Roll! God's gift to slavery historiography my ass. Good luck with the erasure of "interim"; it's the intelligence of the search committee that will be questioned by all near and far if they fail to recognize your bureaucratic genius . . .
; )

Teresa said...

You really answered your own angsty college-entry question "How will people know I'm smart?": Confidence. You were able to fake your way through the Victorian England debate and the unread Roll Jordan Roll precisely because you know that you can dazzle 'em with what you do know to camouflage what you don't know.

I studied my ass off and still couldn't convince anyone that I knew anything, because I lacked the confidence you have in your own knowledge and abilities. Lend me some?

Unknown said...

I've always envied that ability of yours. Most of the time I can't convince myself I know anything!