Fallen Idol

I'm done. It shouldn't surprise me, but I keep hoping that American Idol will go the way I want it to. Reality tv sucks that way. Most of the time. Occasionally someone I like wins, but most of the time due to the vagaries of:

a) plane boarding rules (Amazing Race aka Steak Escape to Honey and I)
b) tyra banks' total f'ing randomness (America's Next Top Model)
c) the American teenage morass' excruciatingly bad taste (American Idol)
d) lying liars (you choose)
e) people not "making it work" or "being fierce" (Project Runway or America's Next Top Model)
f) some combination of the above

the people I like don't win. I often find myself taking solace toward the end of a reality show in the people I hate losing. Hate maybe too strong. But then I think about Jade (ANTM), Stephen (Top Chef), and the Weavers(Steak Escape)and I'm not sure it is too strong.

And you'd think I have nothing else to do than think about all this shit. I mean the application for the job I have as an interim is due in two weeks. But I digress.

I missed Idol the first time around. I hated Clay. Hated him. Still do. I liked Fantasia. Her album sucked though. (Sorry Honey, I know you bought it for me, but you didn't produce it or anything). Last year's group did little for me. But Honey and I at least let go of the "reveal" show and only watched the singing show. This year we've been even more cutthroat. We only watch the singing. I know, I know, that means you miss Paula's stoned behavior. We catch little bits of it. It's enough. Really more than plenty.

So, I made it this far this year, but I'm done. As Honey said about Taylor, "I defended him; I said out loud that he was good." And then there he is being REALLY bad week after week.

I mean, look at him:



I'm watching this shit instead of Steak Escape? Where they once showed this woman with a shopping bag standing in the middle of a field! Like it was normal.



Last week Taylor sang "Play that Funky Music" (white boy) and that contemporary favorite by that new group The Beatles, "Something." Pure crapola. Actually it was pure. That's too nice. It showed little bit of ok and lots of chunks of steaming doodoo. Like that commercial where the liquid plummer sends a clog out of the people's sink and all the way to a French cafe.

Katherine McPhee bouncing around on her knees, Chris Daughtry losing his voice on song two. (Dude, it's two songs, neither full length). And Elliott showing us those teeth. He needs to hook up with Tyra. She'll take care of those teeth. And then he'll (in a breathy voice) still be in the running for America's next top model.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised in a country where the WORST (ding) PRESIDENT (ding) EVER (ding) was elected twice that the curd would rise to the top (or the middle as the case may be).

Last night Honey and I watched no reality t.v. It was good. We watched West Wing, Sopranos, and a tifauxed Weeds (it was all tifauxed actually). What's not to like? Vito in New Hampshire? Mary Louise Parker doing anything? (She's on my "I'd marry her if I could list." Don't worry, Honey knows). CJ and Danny getting together? All good. A sweet scene between Allison Janney and Richard Schiff? Elizabeth Perkins being fab? Edie Falco? It's good. It's smart. It's people being creative.

And NOBODY said anything about "being all about good hair, man" (Jonathan Antin, Blow Out).

Now, just to be clear, I am not signing off reality tv altogether. I like Tiffani on Top Chef. I love Steak Escape. I'm hoping Joanie will kill Jade on ANTM. And if I don't keep watching, I won't be able to understand the latest Hen and Bunny Theater. And Havrilesky's puppets rock.

She has done some non reality ones. The 24 one is the best, I think. And I don't even watch 24 anymore.

Still, I need to learn from the past. Being a popular culture devotee is all fine and good. But draw lines, have boundaries. I'm done with MTV. Done. I'm done with Idol. My customized list on Dish is called "good tvs." I mean it this time.

Now, when does Work Out start?